Now I have a fair few health issues but the one I’m going to post about today is Chronic fatigue syndrome/ myalgic encephalomyelitis and how difficult it can be, suffering with this and being a parent.
So for those of you who don’t know what this is, what is M.E/CFS?
This disorder is usually explained by saying the person fatigue and tiredness that does not go away with rest, it literally cannot be explained, some medical professionals think that it could be caused/triggered by suffering with a virus 🦠
I suppose that symptoms can differ from person to person so I won’t go on about that to much, I struggled myself with being able to even get out of bed from exhaustion, I couldn’t remember anything, my head was always hurting, sleep? I didn’t even know what sleep was. I was given a few different medications to help with my sleep which did improve slightly. I was also under a cfs consultant who got me to have CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) too, which definitely helped. I became ridiculously sensitive to light, some days I couldn’t even get out of bed to be able to brush my teeth!
I sometimes feel like maybe I’m a bad parent, that I was selfish for having children when my own body doesn’t seem to be able to care for its self. I HATE days where I struggle a lot, when the girls want to go out, want to have fun and explore and mummy just can’t. I’ll make activities that they can do at home, things to occupy, which usually always work and they enjoy, but it doesn’t take the guilt away at all. I just love the big smiles and pure happiness that oozes from the girls when they’ve found something or somewhere new that they really enjoy.
From struggling with my cfs/me it made me very house bound because I got so scared of leaving the house and tiring myself out, so I really dislike leaving the house still now by myself with the girls, to the extent that sometimes I’ve had anxiety attacks over the thought, I prefer days that we are going out and doing something to either have daddy with us, or Nonnie (my mum) because then I have some kind of back up if I begin to lag, because everyone knows how hyper little toddlers are,right? My girls do NOT stay still.
I really do hope that one day I manage to beat this, I can manage to be the mummy that I really wand to be, but for now, I’m fighting 9 years and counting and will continue to do so for as long as I have to.
I’d love to find others to talk to about this, mummy/daddy or not. Please pop up!
Thank you for reading if you have,
Love Tor x
Tor’s life with two👣 